Guest Post: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! A PSA by MAMA Khalilah D. @imjustacurl
As the mother of a 5-year old, I understand and immensely enjoy the joys of motherhood. Thirteen kisses, five hugs, followed by six more kisses, endless “I love you mommy” expressions, “you’re the best mommy in the world” affirmations and all the other things you love to hear being a mom. I love the cuddling, the energy that can only come from a 5 year old boy and the childlike innocence that I’m pretty sure will disappear any day now. Being a mom is wonderful, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I remember a life before him but I can’t imagine a life without him.
With all of that being said, I’m not in a rush to have another. And I wish people would stop asking me to. I mean really, it’s none of your business. If you want to engage in small talk, let’s talk about the weather or the never-ending World Cup series. Anything that doesn’t have to do with my uterus, fallopian tubes or ovaries. Besides, it’s hard enough to find a baby sitter for the ONE that I have, and you want me to have another?
The decision to have a child, or more children is a personal decision between two adults. Sometimes, it’s easier to make the decision to have a baby than it is to actually conceive and deliver a healthy baby. The older I get, the more I realize that the ability to get conceive, stay pregnant, and deliver a healthy baby is not a given. Sources vary but many estimate that approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage [spontaneous loss of a fetus before the 20th week of pregnancy] and according to www.americanpregnancy.org, stillbirths occur in about 1 in 160 pregnancies. The older a woman gets, the more the medical odds are stacked against her.
You never know what someone has been through that they’ve chosen not to share publicly. The woman you’re asking “when will you have a baby” may only have one functioning ovary and has endured 4 heartbreaking miscarriages. The lady that is still carrying “baby weight” after two years? Cystic fibrosis. The girl you grew up with that’s been married for 15 years and only has one child? Going through a private, yet messy divorce and custody battle. The couple you know that talked about trying for a baby 3 years ago? They’ve been through 5 unsuccessful and very expensive rounds of IVF. There’s also the young woman that had to have all of her reproductive organs removed due to a number of illnesses. Or, the woman you’re asking might not even like kids! *Gasp* Imagine that. It happens and that’s totally okay. Not every woman desires to be a mother.
These are only SOME (not all) of the things that women/couples go through when trying to have a baby. In this era of oversharing ev-ery-thing on social media, it’s hard to believe that people actually keep certain things to themselves. How dare you, with your exaggerated sense of entitlement to unlimited access into their private life ask so many probing questions. There’s a pretty good chance that they’d like to politely tell you to go procreate with yourself. (I’ll let you figure that out).
So, before you go poking your nose in someone’s ovaries, ask yourself “is it really ANY of my business?” If the answer is no, talk about the weather.
–And for the record, I definitely would like to have another child. On my own time.
MAMA Khalilah D. @imjustacurl on IG